Time ?. According to the sun's position, maybe ~ 12h. I woke up a few hrs ago. I stayed in bed thinking. talking to Allah, asking Him if all this hard journey is because He is angry with me, or is it just how He chose to design the movie of my life when He created my soul and anchored it to this body ?. I am also just observing the insects/bugs all around me (ants, spiders,...etc).
I feel weak and my mouth is full of mucus. My tongue must be swollen with hungry colonies of candida. When I fast, they go into survival mode : they come to the surface and form strings (hyphae).
I am tired. Going back to sleep. My right kidney is still sore + a bit of a headache.
21h : I spent the day at home. Though it was not cold, it has been raining heavily !!. The plastic sheet under which I have my stuff and my bed did hold so far and it is a blessing, but it was not enough : my bed is wet, my shoes and some of the clothes I took from the drop off box are wet too. Mosquitoes are very bothersome and I am starving.
So I head to the truck-stop with my little bag in which I put the canned meat 'Denver' gave me, the crackers and the pouches of mayo, ketchup,...etc.
Once there, I stand next to the shops entrance, trying to locate a fellow human being and see if I have enough courage to ask him/her if he/she could buy me a sandwich. I see a female with a fancy looking Iphone, a brand name T-shirt, so I gather my courage and say "excuse me miss...", she shuts me off by waving her hand in a demeaning way. That's the kind of people who make up the majority of BS NYC, that I want to get away from forever.
Having been reminded of the world I am in, I went sat on a bench, ate 2 cans of pork meat, stuffed with mayo and other condiments. I shared some crackers with a colony of ants which they seemed to have appreciated.
An hour later, while still sitting on the bench, a guy asked me for a lighter. He lit his cigarette and seemed relieved to have found my lighter. I told him he can keep it. He offered me $1. for it, but my reflex was to say to him "it's OK don't worry about it". A moment later, it occurred to me that with my .25 cents left and his $1., I could buy a donut. So I went back to him and asked for the $1. I bought one donut, stuffed it with jelly from the pouches and felt like a king. My belly is full for tonight, Alhamdulillah.
I then went to the restroom to brush my teeth (I hope no toothache will show up with all the sugar and flour I have been eating). In the mirror, I see that I have a LOT of bite marks on my forehead and some on my neck. I have them on my forearms as well. I don't know what bug inflicted that on me, but it is not a pretty sight. At least it is not itchy nor painful. I hope I will be able to get a bed sheet from a worker at the motel next weekend, so I can fully cover myself when sleeping.
Between the heavy rain this morning and then again late afternoon, there was a period of sunshine. During that period of sunshine, I was laying down in my wet clothes and wet bed, thinking and pondering, then I asked Allah "Does all the weight that keeps piling up on my shoulders since I was born (candida, soul-mangling father, a mother who did her part too messing up my soul (like changing her tampon in front of me when I was a child like if I was non-existant...etc), stuttering, cancer, HMO financial burden for 12 years, prostatitis, my beloved cat snatched by cancer, another beloved cat got her back skin ripped by a car (she healed), ...etc), is that weight a sign that all my good actions, generosity, efforts to better myself for your sake and caring toward man and animals for your sake, is all that not accepted ?. At that moment I saw a tree like if it had christmas decorations on it, blue light, yellow light...etc. So I interpreted that pretty sight as a sign not to give up on the generosity of Allah and His forgiveness.
That light on the tree, was the result of the sun's rays and the droplets of rain water on the tree branches. It lasted a few minutes while the sun was at a certain position.
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