I woke up around noon. Nice weather. Yesterday night, it wasn't cold Alhamdulillah. I spent the afternoon thinking and writing (and trying to get mosquitoes off of me). Having listened to Kevin Barrett being interviewed by Richie Allen (see : K.B. with R.A. ) I felt like getting some things off my chest and on paper (the other day when I went hitch hiking to the nearby town, I bough a blank page notebook and pens)
~ 20h : I come to the truck- stop. My meal is waiting for me....in the garbage bins (lol) (I looked inside them as discreetly as possible, I don't want to attract attention). I got my daily food from 2 different garbage bins. On the menu : The bottom of a pork can, salty crackers (unopened little bag), apple pie minus one bite, 2 big fried chicken wings, 2 slices of toasted bread minus 2 or 3 bites. Everything was clean, inside paper or plastic bags. Plus the honey, jelly...etc pouches.
Alhamdulillah, I ate very well. I used to rescue or feed feral cats whenever I could. Now, I am the feral one (lol). Soubhanallah and Alhamdulillah, I am at peace, for I know that everything is by Allah's Permission. He sees everything, is with His servants all the time, and everything that has happened, is happening or will happen, He Has already written it. If He wished anything to have happened differently, it would have. So just relax, go through this earthly experience as if it is just a Boot Camp to get you admitted into THE REAL LIFE (of Paradise, Insha'Allah) :
Quran [29:64] : "This worldly life is no more than vanity and play, while the abode of the Hereafter is the REAL LIFE, if they only knew."
After eating and while sitting on a bench, I asked some truck drivers, heading to the store, to buy me a shaving razor. I ended up with 3 shaving razors, Alhamdulillah. I also picked up some empty plastic bottles and cleaned them. In one of them, I put some liquid soap from the bathroom, to use as a shampoo. I am thinking of taking a shower in the next thunderstorm, Insha'Allah. My scalp is itchy, I didn't shower in 13 days.
Now I am going to transfer what the mentioned podcast triggered me to write on paper this afternoon.
(Some local guy starts telling me about his problems with his girlfriend and her father. I lend a compassionate ear and even provide encouraging words (for not hitting his girlfriend's father), then some employees join us in the WiFi room. They know him, and I am off the hook now, no need for my attention anymore. Later he tells me he has to go to work early in the morning, bla bla bla...etc. Either he is one of those energy stealer individuals who also like to dump their BS on other people, OR it is just me who is mean, anti-social and of the just-leave-me-alone kind).
00h10 (Tuesday) : More clean food from the garbage bins, Alhamdulillah : French fries, fried chicken, bread (that they call biscuits)...BUT the best of all, is the fruit salad untouched in its plastic container and the few slices of apple, untouched as well, in their little plastic bag. I was craving fresh fruits, that I haven't had in a very long time !!!.).
02h30 (Tuesday) : More food in the garbage bins, after buses stop and leave : Hot soup (that I was craving), salad, French fries and 2 little pieces of fried chicken. I am full, Alhamdulillah.
Monday, August 21, 2017
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Speculation
Looking back at those people mentioned earlier that responded negatively to getting me something to eat, I can not help thinking that, maybe Allah is using me to test them.
Just like in July of 2016. It was Monday, I had some BS bureaucratic obligations to attend to in lower Manhattan. After buying one way subway ticket ride, all I had left was $16. It was to buy food for my cats, since I wasn't going to drive a taxi until Thursday. Paying $2.75 for the subway home was out of the question, so I had to walk back home.
I was hungry and tired, but still, I had to walk almost 3 hrs to Queens where I used to live. My first thought was to ask one of those many food cart vendors to give me a plate of rice and chicken ($6/$7.) and I would pay him back Thursday (needless to say, with a generous tip).
My ego/pride kicked in, and I said to myself "no way, I am not asking anyone for anything, I have my pride". That's when I remembered that Allah does not like the proud one, but likes the humble one, and in Islam, when one is in need, one ought to ask. Pride is not for those aiming to get closer to Allah. As a matter of fact, Satan's sin was pride, that caused him to refuse bowing to Adam when Allah asked him to.
So, I ask the 1st one : NO. 2nd one : NO. 3rd one : NO....From Bway and Canal St, to Williamsburg bridge, I must have asked 10 food cart vendors : ALL refused.
Not only they all refused, but on top of that, they were all "muslims". I didn't tell any of them that I was muslim myself, because if they had a correct understanding of Islam, they wouldn't refuse food to a fellow human (one who also promised to pay back in a few days). One of them even said some disparaging comments on my tatoo, in some ugly arabic dialect that I didn't fully understand.
I can understand that some people do not like muslims, due to their negative experiences with them. I, myself, do not like most of them, starting a while ago (may Allah forgive me).
VERY Important : Referring to them as "muslims" is very inaccurate. They are first and foremost confused, dysfunctional and spiritually-deficient people in survival mode. While being all that, they insist on showing off a thin layer of Islam for all to see, as an attempt to hide the ugliness inside them. They are one of those in NYC who are as ugly as their bureaucratic oppressors.
Anyway, I was happy to have put my pride on the side for the sake of Allah and to have asked them. I thought later that maybe Allah was using me to test them. Just like the folks here, at the bus stop.
What all those kind of people fail to realize, is that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING belongs to Allah, and that this life with its ups and downs, its moments of abundance and its moments of scarcity, it is all a test. A test indeed, for the one going through the abundance or the scarcity, as well as for the one witnessing it and coming in close proximity to it.
And Allah knows best of course.
Just like in July of 2016. It was Monday, I had some BS bureaucratic obligations to attend to in lower Manhattan. After buying one way subway ticket ride, all I had left was $16. It was to buy food for my cats, since I wasn't going to drive a taxi until Thursday. Paying $2.75 for the subway home was out of the question, so I had to walk back home.
I was hungry and tired, but still, I had to walk almost 3 hrs to Queens where I used to live. My first thought was to ask one of those many food cart vendors to give me a plate of rice and chicken ($6/$7.) and I would pay him back Thursday (needless to say, with a generous tip).
My ego/pride kicked in, and I said to myself "no way, I am not asking anyone for anything, I have my pride". That's when I remembered that Allah does not like the proud one, but likes the humble one, and in Islam, when one is in need, one ought to ask. Pride is not for those aiming to get closer to Allah. As a matter of fact, Satan's sin was pride, that caused him to refuse bowing to Adam when Allah asked him to.
So, I ask the 1st one : NO. 2nd one : NO. 3rd one : NO....From Bway and Canal St, to Williamsburg bridge, I must have asked 10 food cart vendors : ALL refused.
Not only they all refused, but on top of that, they were all "muslims". I didn't tell any of them that I was muslim myself, because if they had a correct understanding of Islam, they wouldn't refuse food to a fellow human (one who also promised to pay back in a few days). One of them even said some disparaging comments on my tatoo, in some ugly arabic dialect that I didn't fully understand.
I can understand that some people do not like muslims, due to their negative experiences with them. I, myself, do not like most of them, starting a while ago (may Allah forgive me).
VERY Important : Referring to them as "muslims" is very inaccurate. They are first and foremost confused, dysfunctional and spiritually-deficient people in survival mode. While being all that, they insist on showing off a thin layer of Islam for all to see, as an attempt to hide the ugliness inside them. They are one of those in NYC who are as ugly as their bureaucratic oppressors.
Anyway, I was happy to have put my pride on the side for the sake of Allah and to have asked them. I thought later that maybe Allah was using me to test them. Just like the folks here, at the bus stop.
What all those kind of people fail to realize, is that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING belongs to Allah, and that this life with its ups and downs, its moments of abundance and its moments of scarcity, it is all a test. A test indeed, for the one going through the abundance or the scarcity, as well as for the one witnessing it and coming in close proximity to it.
And Allah knows best of course.
2017 08 20, Sunday (updated)
I woke up tired for lack of food, but also because yesterday night was very foggy and the humidity was bone-penetrating so I couldn't sleep well. I will have to see how I can better deal with the night cold. At least, Alhamdulillah, my right kidney is not hurting anymore. To think of it, aside from my prostatitis issue, maybe subconscious stress had something to do with the kidney pain. Anyway, no big deal.
12h30 : I am at the truck-stop . After washing my face, I lay down some clothes to dry in the sunshine, then I go a few feet away, lean against the wall to try to see if I can ask someone to buy me some food. After a little while, I don't dare asking no one, I just pick up my dry clothes and go to the WiFi room to write and web surf.
16h : I go back to my camp, with a bit of difficulty as I am weak from being foodless for almost 60 hrs. Once there, I hang some more garbage plastic bags (I hope the truck-stop won't hold it against me on judgement day for helping myself) as a wall around my bed. Then I lay down, listening to some Islamic Meditation stuff then Joel Osteen (see my YT channel for the playlists 'Islamic Meditation' and 'Have Faith')....until the battery drains out.
http://m.youtube.com/user/MrSayonara7777
If you have Android, a great app that allows you to download YT videos, or only the audio to save battery or have mp3s on your phone, is : SNAPTUBE. I highly recommend it. Maybe there is a version for other OSs.
20h : I go back to the truck stop. Before I go to the WiFi room, I try to see if I can feel comfortable enough by somebody's appearance to ask him/her to buy me something to eat. None. So I just go inside and write/websurf.
21h45 : I take a break while Snaptube is downloading some podcasts for me, and I go stand outside. I ask 3 persons, 1 female then 2 males : all 3 Negative. I am at peace despite being hungry and my fellow humans are indifferent, at least I tried for the sake of Allah primarily. If Allah wished, he would have sent me someone generous without even me asking for anything, like that lady of last Friday at 01h.
23h : I ask a female if she could buy me a sandwich, she replies "No, sorry". I went from not asking anyone, to asking 4 persons in 1 hour : that's improvement !! (lol).
00h05 (Monday) : I was able to take some pouches of honey, mayo and ketchup (my candida is going to be happy, they are starving and forming hyphae !!!). I am going to eat some of them on a bench, brush my teeth then go to bed. At least no rain/thunderstorm in the forecast until Wednesday afternoon.
01h16 (Monday) : I just finished eating like a king. On my way to the bench, I noticed an orphan plastic bag not empty. I took it. It contained one cookie and one 4 oz (113g) apple pie (probably left by one of the bus passengers). Soubhanallah, that's how I was supposed to get my sustenance today. With the pouches I had, everything was delicious. My strength is back, so much so, I could run the marathon and win (lol).
12h30 : I am at the truck-stop . After washing my face, I lay down some clothes to dry in the sunshine, then I go a few feet away, lean against the wall to try to see if I can ask someone to buy me some food. After a little while, I don't dare asking no one, I just pick up my dry clothes and go to the WiFi room to write and web surf.
16h : I go back to my camp, with a bit of difficulty as I am weak from being foodless for almost 60 hrs. Once there, I hang some more garbage plastic bags (I hope the truck-stop won't hold it against me on judgement day for helping myself) as a wall around my bed. Then I lay down, listening to some Islamic Meditation stuff then Joel Osteen (see my YT channel for the playlists 'Islamic Meditation' and 'Have Faith')....until the battery drains out.
http://m.youtube.com/user/MrSayonara7777
If you have Android, a great app that allows you to download YT videos, or only the audio to save battery or have mp3s on your phone, is : SNAPTUBE. I highly recommend it. Maybe there is a version for other OSs.
20h : I go back to the truck stop. Before I go to the WiFi room, I try to see if I can feel comfortable enough by somebody's appearance to ask him/her to buy me something to eat. None. So I just go inside and write/websurf.
21h45 : I take a break while Snaptube is downloading some podcasts for me, and I go stand outside. I ask 3 persons, 1 female then 2 males : all 3 Negative. I am at peace despite being hungry and my fellow humans are indifferent, at least I tried for the sake of Allah primarily. If Allah wished, he would have sent me someone generous without even me asking for anything, like that lady of last Friday at 01h.
23h : I ask a female if she could buy me a sandwich, she replies "No, sorry". I went from not asking anyone, to asking 4 persons in 1 hour : that's improvement !! (lol).
00h05 (Monday) : I was able to take some pouches of honey, mayo and ketchup (my candida is going to be happy, they are starving and forming hyphae !!!). I am going to eat some of them on a bench, brush my teeth then go to bed. At least no rain/thunderstorm in the forecast until Wednesday afternoon.
01h16 (Monday) : I just finished eating like a king. On my way to the bench, I noticed an orphan plastic bag not empty. I took it. It contained one cookie and one 4 oz (113g) apple pie (probably left by one of the bus passengers). Soubhanallah, that's how I was supposed to get my sustenance today. With the pouches I had, everything was delicious. My strength is back, so much so, I could run the marathon and win (lol).
2017 08 19 Saturday
http://m.youtube.com/channel/UCPHBbp5EvbtmsjkTDYsrzOA
I Woke up around 12h..I dreamed of cats in need of help, one of my 2 recurrent bad dreams, the other one relates to the soul-mangling experience of having had a vicious covert narcissist father.
My not-well-maintained cat-related YT channel (linked above I think) :
http://m.youtube.com/channel/UCPHBbp5EvbtmsjkTDYsrzOA
12h30 : I go to the truck stop after just waking up.
First, the restroom where I relieve myself, wash my face...etc. The many bite marks on my forehead inflicted by insects the other day while I was sleeping, are less swollen but they are still visible and not pretty.
I go to a sunny spot, a bit away from the shopping center where I lay down some of my clothes to dry under the sun, as well my shoes. The thunderstorm was mean yesterday.
13h : The motel is nearby. The lady who used to wave me 'Hi', is cleaning up the rooms. I gather my courage and go ask her if I can have a clean bath towel and a clean bed sheet. She asks me what my room # is, thinking I was staying at the motel. When I told her that I wasn't, the reply to my request was negative. I sit a little bit more in the sun, and when my clothes and shoes are dry, I go to the internet room.
17h30 : Too many people and their BS in the internet room . A little pesky female employee, into gossip and unnecessary curiosity, starts asking me - AGAIN - loudly about my situation while the room is full. I reply to her "I would rather not advertise my story". She doesn't understand, I repeat it, she still doesn't understand. I say "never mind" then she leaves me alone finally. I go back to my camp and take a nap.
20H15 : I come back to the internet room to write and web surf. It is empty and the day shift employees have left. Great !!.
23h45 : I am hungry. While I am standing outside trying to identify a good soul to ask if he can buy me a sandwich, I see this man in a good looking SUV, with a wife and 2 kids. He seems like a good family man and comfortable financially. As he passes me by, I ask him if he could buy me a sandwich. He avoids eye contact and mumbles something, but it is a "NO". I am reluctant to ask anyone as I feel bad energy, with their "go army" car plates, fancy RVs, water scooters... etc. I thought I picked the right guy to ask but I didn't.
So I just go back to the internet room, do some more web surfing/writing, then I leave around 01h (Sunday). I would like to wake up early tomorrow to take advantage of the sunny day to dry some more clothes.
I Woke up around 12h..I dreamed of cats in need of help, one of my 2 recurrent bad dreams, the other one relates to the soul-mangling experience of having had a vicious covert narcissist father.
My not-well-maintained cat-related YT channel (linked above I think) :
http://m.youtube.com/channel/UCPHBbp5EvbtmsjkTDYsrzOA
12h30 : I go to the truck stop after just waking up.
First, the restroom where I relieve myself, wash my face...etc. The many bite marks on my forehead inflicted by insects the other day while I was sleeping, are less swollen but they are still visible and not pretty.
I go to a sunny spot, a bit away from the shopping center where I lay down some of my clothes to dry under the sun, as well my shoes. The thunderstorm was mean yesterday.
13h : The motel is nearby. The lady who used to wave me 'Hi', is cleaning up the rooms. I gather my courage and go ask her if I can have a clean bath towel and a clean bed sheet. She asks me what my room # is, thinking I was staying at the motel. When I told her that I wasn't, the reply to my request was negative. I sit a little bit more in the sun, and when my clothes and shoes are dry, I go to the internet room.
17h30 : Too many people and their BS in the internet room . A little pesky female employee, into gossip and unnecessary curiosity, starts asking me - AGAIN - loudly about my situation while the room is full. I reply to her "I would rather not advertise my story". She doesn't understand, I repeat it, she still doesn't understand. I say "never mind" then she leaves me alone finally. I go back to my camp and take a nap.
20H15 : I come back to the internet room to write and web surf. It is empty and the day shift employees have left. Great !!.
23h45 : I am hungry. While I am standing outside trying to identify a good soul to ask if he can buy me a sandwich, I see this man in a good looking SUV, with a wife and 2 kids. He seems like a good family man and comfortable financially. As he passes me by, I ask him if he could buy me a sandwich. He avoids eye contact and mumbles something, but it is a "NO". I am reluctant to ask anyone as I feel bad energy, with their "go army" car plates, fancy RVs, water scooters... etc. I thought I picked the right guy to ask but I didn't.
So I just go back to the internet room, do some more web surfing/writing, then I leave around 01h (Sunday). I would like to wake up early tomorrow to take advantage of the sunny day to dry some more clothes.
2017 08 18, Friday
I spent the day in bed. The weather is not wet.
I went to the truck-stop around 20h15, to type and web surf. I am not hungry (I ate a lot at 01h, the lady's generosity) and I don't have money anyway aside from .29 cents. Asking people to buy me a sandwich is something I don't have the courage for (but it is not out of pride. Allah does not like the proud). Besides, I don't know what kind of individual I might be asking and I don't feel like drenching myself in anybody's negative energy; I had enough of that in NYC.
While typing in this room where smoking is allowed and where employees come to take their break, hearing all their BS, listening to their BS rap that some play on their devices and breathing their smoke, just was too much for me to bear and I leave for my camp around 22h maybe.
The sky is full of beautiful silent lightening, there is a thunderstorm in the weather forecast.
00h : Here we go, winds and heavy rain strick and my little refuge is all wet, my clothes are wet, the plastic bags that I surrounded myself with (as walls) are unable to deal with the forces of nature. At least the plastic blue sheet that 'Denver' gave me is still holding and it is the roof of my dwelling. Once in a while I have to push it from under to unload the water that accumulates on top of it. I just sit there, waiting for the storm to pass, and trying to tell the spiders that want to share my refuge because of the rain, that they better behave themselves or I am going to stop being nice. The flashlight is very useful Alhamdulillah.
Once the worse has passed, I just cover the exposed parts of my skin with some of the clothes I took from the drop off box and go to sleep.
Tomorrow Saturday, I am going to ask the motel employee lady that waves 'Hi' to me, if she can offer me a clean bed sheet (it will be such a relief from the mosquitoes...). I am also hoping to dry some of my clothes in the sun at the truck-stop Insha'Allah (where my camp is, the vegetation is too dense for steady sunshine).
I went to the truck-stop around 20h15, to type and web surf. I am not hungry (I ate a lot at 01h, the lady's generosity) and I don't have money anyway aside from .29 cents. Asking people to buy me a sandwich is something I don't have the courage for (but it is not out of pride. Allah does not like the proud). Besides, I don't know what kind of individual I might be asking and I don't feel like drenching myself in anybody's negative energy; I had enough of that in NYC.
While typing in this room where smoking is allowed and where employees come to take their break, hearing all their BS, listening to their BS rap that some play on their devices and breathing their smoke, just was too much for me to bear and I leave for my camp around 22h maybe.
The sky is full of beautiful silent lightening, there is a thunderstorm in the weather forecast.
00h : Here we go, winds and heavy rain strick and my little refuge is all wet, my clothes are wet, the plastic bags that I surrounded myself with (as walls) are unable to deal with the forces of nature. At least the plastic blue sheet that 'Denver' gave me is still holding and it is the roof of my dwelling. Once in a while I have to push it from under to unload the water that accumulates on top of it. I just sit there, waiting for the storm to pass, and trying to tell the spiders that want to share my refuge because of the rain, that they better behave themselves or I am going to stop being nice. The flashlight is very useful Alhamdulillah.
Once the worse has passed, I just cover the exposed parts of my skin with some of the clothes I took from the drop off box and go to sleep.
Tomorrow Saturday, I am going to ask the motel employee lady that waves 'Hi' to me, if she can offer me a clean bed sheet (it will be such a relief from the mosquitoes...). I am also hoping to dry some of my clothes in the sun at the truck-stop Insha'Allah (where my camp is, the vegetation is too dense for steady sunshine).
Saturday, August 19, 2017
2017 08 17, Thursday
20h30 : No food today in the schedule today (.21 cents left), but I am not weak nor hungry, Alhamdulillah. Yesterday I packed the food I had with mayo, ketchup, jelly...etc.
The weather is nice but earlier it has been raining. My newly re-arranged camp didn't get wet like before, Alhamdulillah.
First, I stop by at the restroom to wash my face. Now I have another bump on my forehead, result of mosquito bites. I so wish that somehow, someway I could get an anti-mosquito net (amazon.com where are you ? lol).
I might stay here until daylight as I spent the day sleeping and I would rather have daylight to clean/arrange my bed before going to sleep. Until then, I am just going to write and web surf.
01h (Friday 18th) : As I was just standing against the wall outside, getting a little bit warm from the AC, a lady approaches me and asks me very nicely if she can buy me something to eat. I reply the affirmative of course. She was very generous and accommodating. I ended up with a 1 foot 'Subway' sandwich (everything on it), chips and a Vitamin Water bottle (I am trying to delay the onset of scurvy as far as possible).
Soubhanallah, if Allah wants to keep me alive, He will decide how and for how long, I am not worried at all; even though I would rather leave this earthly place ASAP if you ask me. But He decided to put me here in the first place and He decided when and how I shall leave as well : none of it is up to me. A few more hours or days or weeks spent in this 2nd order of reality, is just an opportunity for more utterances of 'Alhamdulillah', 'Astaghfirullah', 'la Ilaha Illallah'...etc. After all, He created mankind and Jinnkind only to worship Him, that is our primary mission while our Soul is anchored to our earthly body.
As for that nice lady goes, who volunteered to buy me food tonight without me even asking, it is a reminder that there are still some beautiful servants of Allah, still hanging to their good side, despite all the anger, the hatred, the narcissism and the utter selfishness plaguing most people nowadays. Out of the blessing of Allah, once in a while, He will put some on your path when need be.
The weather is nice but earlier it has been raining. My newly re-arranged camp didn't get wet like before, Alhamdulillah.
First, I stop by at the restroom to wash my face. Now I have another bump on my forehead, result of mosquito bites. I so wish that somehow, someway I could get an anti-mosquito net (amazon.com where are you ? lol).
I might stay here until daylight as I spent the day sleeping and I would rather have daylight to clean/arrange my bed before going to sleep. Until then, I am just going to write and web surf.
01h (Friday 18th) : As I was just standing against the wall outside, getting a little bit warm from the AC, a lady approaches me and asks me very nicely if she can buy me something to eat. I reply the affirmative of course. She was very generous and accommodating. I ended up with a 1 foot 'Subway' sandwich (everything on it), chips and a Vitamin Water bottle (I am trying to delay the onset of scurvy as far as possible).
Soubhanallah, if Allah wants to keep me alive, He will decide how and for how long, I am not worried at all; even though I would rather leave this earthly place ASAP if you ask me. But He decided to put me here in the first place and He decided when and how I shall leave as well : none of it is up to me. A few more hours or days or weeks spent in this 2nd order of reality, is just an opportunity for more utterances of 'Alhamdulillah', 'Astaghfirullah', 'la Ilaha Illallah'...etc. After all, He created mankind and Jinnkind only to worship Him, that is our primary mission while our Soul is anchored to our earthly body.
As for that nice lady goes, who volunteered to buy me food tonight without me even asking, it is a reminder that there are still some beautiful servants of Allah, still hanging to their good side, despite all the anger, the hatred, the narcissism and the utter selfishness plaguing most people nowadays. Out of the blessing of Allah, once in a while, He will put some on your path when need be.
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